Once again, I'm frozen. I have to see what the future of my future brings. Once more, after a few moments of peace...I'm once again into this maze of confusion, trapped and still weighing if I would escape this self-made bars. I had contacted the deepest part of me and consulted about this harsh realities but it seems that my core is also frozen and is not able to respond.
I get annoyed with this kind of situation. I want to leap froward from one stone to another and I want to cast away this reluctance removing all these unwanted fears of an unexplained dumbness. Yes, I am so so dumb. I am only good at meeting peoples expectation, good at giving advises that work most of the time. The worst part is always that theory not being applicable personally. I suck at it...
I made introspection and realized what is holding me to leap upon these rocks carelessly. It is that small eyes smiling at me with great innocence of what's to come, unmindful of the danger that her Mother could bring if she decides unwittingly. The fear is not for me but for this little lad whose future depends on how I can decide intelligently against this scarred emotion that usually takes a look only of its own selfish desires. This emotion is overwhelmingly taking over the gracious dispositions of mind. The peaceful mental state is overtaken by this pain and confusion is born out of suppressed desire to go far and explore. These are desires that had built up over the years because of endless endeavors that aren't supported by fate.
When the core decides to explode, the body is weakened by it's unexpected strength. Those unrecognized dreams persistently longed to be pursued....and when do I think I can get out of this? I don't know yet cause I'm still commanded by my own volition to hold up and FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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